Dreams
by alygator86
Summary: Dreams are powerful things. Oneshot angst, angst, angst, angst, then fluff. MerDer


Disclaimer: I don't own GA, I don't have any money :(

Rating: T

Summary: Dreams are powerful things.

Angst, angst, angst, then fluff.

Many, many thanks to my friends Kristi and Sara who helped me write this.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek and Meredith were standing at the departing gate in the airport. Meredith seemed lost in thought and Derek had been watching her for a couple minutes.

"What's up, Mer?" he asked.

She looked at him, "I have a feeling and it's not passing."

"Like the code black feeling?" he asked, concerned.

"I'm sure its nothing. I'm just feeling down about you leaving and its probably from not feeling well the past couple days," she told him trying not to be dark and twisty.

He ran his hand over her hair; his section was called to start boarding.

"It's only three days," he told her, "I'll be back as soon as possible. Then we'll start working on the house."

Meredith smiled. After being together for a year and married for three months this was the first time they were going to be apart but as soon as he got back they were going to start building a house on his land.

"I have to go, Mer," he told her, sadly.

"I know," she replied.

He kissed her softly, "I love you. I'll call you when I land."

"I love you, too," She smiled, "You better."

He started towards the door to board the plane, "And have fun shopping with Izzie and Addison."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

It was the second day of the conference and Derek's phone rang. He stepped out of the room and answered.

"Addison? What's up?"

"Um, you need to come back to Seattle," she told him, her voice unsteady.

Derek's heart started beating faster, "What's wrong Addison?"

Addison pulled herself together if only for a few minutes, "Meredith was in an accident."

"How is she?" He started walking towards the elevator to go up to his room and pack to go back.

And Addison had to lie, "They're still working on her, Bailey sent me to call you."

"Thank you, Addison," he replied, "I'm getting the next flight out and I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Ok," she felt horrible for having to lie but it's what the chief told her to do. Really, it's what they do with everyone but with Derek it seemed wrong.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The next few hours were a blur to Derek. He got his stuff, checked out, got to the airport, flew back to Seattle and went straight to the hospital. He was told to meet in the chief's office. At the time he thought that was a little odd but looking back it should have been a warning.

Everyone was in the chief's office – Bailey, her interns minus Meredith, Burke, Addison, Mark … everyone.

"How is she?" He asked, slightly out of breath, "Can I see her?"

Everyone looked around, no one wanted to be the one to tell him.

"Someone tell me how my wife is!" he demanded.

The chief stood up, that was never a good sign. "Derek, her injuries were too extensive when we brought her in. She…she's gone, Derek."

He looked around like everyone had grown a second head, "You can't be serious."

Addison looked like there was something else to say but she didn't want to add on to his pain. Derek, however, noticed she had something to say.

"There's more, isn't there, Addison?" he asked.

"I can't take this anymore," Cristina said, pushing past Derek and walking out of the room.

Derek ran his hands through his hair, thinking. He looked right at Addison, "She was pregnant wasn't she? She said she wasn't feeling well."

Addison nodded, not sure if she could actually say anything.

"Let me see her," he said quietly.

"Shepherd, I don't think that's a good – " Burke started.

"I don't care what you think Burke! Let. Me. See. Her."

The Chief stepped forward, "I'll take you."

"I'll go with you," Addison volunteered. Derek was her friend and she was his and they both needed a friend right now. She told Mark to stay there and she would be back soon.

The chief, Addison, and Derek headed down to the morgue to see Meredith. The entire trip seemed surreal to Derek – like he was in a dream. They got down to the morgue and the morgue assistant had Meredith ready for them. He stood at the other end of the room, Webber and Addison stayed by the door as Derek slowly approached Meredith's body.

He softly caressed her cheek, knowing she couldn't feel it. She couldn't feel anything now.

"Mer, baby," he whispered, "I should have listened to your feeling. I shouldn't have gone. I'm sorry," he kissed her lips lightly, "I love you, Meredith, but what am I supposed to do without you?"

Addison was about to say something when Derek turned around tears in his eyes. "Addison, can you take me home?"

She was a little worried about how calm he sounded but she nodded.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

George, Izzie and Addison stood in the hall outside the bedroom all unsure what to do.

"He's been in there for almost two days," George whispered.

"What do we do?" Addison asked.

George looked at Izzie expectantly.

"Me?" she asked.

"Well…this is like you…and the bathroom. And you know what he's going through," George reasoned, "Talk to him."

Izzie looked between the two other doctors and slowly went into the room. She found him sitting on the floor by the window wearing sweat pants and a t shirt. His hair was all over and he really needed to shave. Closing the door she sat across from him.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Dark and twisty," he replied, not looking at her, "And before you say you know how I feel – do you really? Was Denny your entire reason for living? Was he the only thing that made you happy? When he died did you feel like dying too because not only did the other half of yourself die but your future had died too? Did you lose the love of your life and your child at the same time?"

Izzie hesitated, he was right.

"That's what I thought. Please leave now, Dr. Stevens."

Izzie got up and left the room. George and Addison were still there waiting to see what would happen.

"I don't think he's coming out soon," Izzie told them, "But I think we should make sure he can't do anything to himself. I'm going to bake."

A couple hours later George went in with some cookies that Izzie had made. He put the plate next to Derek and sat in front of him.

"How are you?"

"Are all of you obligated to ask how I feel every time you come into this room? I'll save you a bit of trouble – I'm not fine. I'm no where close to being fine. I'm so far from fine. That's how I was yesterday. That's how I was earlier today. It's how I'll be tomorrow. Now you don't have to ask."

"You need to eat something," George told him.

"Thank you for that advice but I'm not very hungry right now."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The next day Derek woke up to see Cristina sitting at the end of the bed staring at him. He rubbed his eyes and stared back. After ten minutes of staring Derek finally spoke.

"Cristina, what do you want?"

"I'm trying to be supportive," she told him, "I thought you would have known that by now."

"No, I don't know that, Cristina, because you always kick me out, remember?"

She sighed, "I don't hug, I don't share. I sit here and listen. Go."

Derek started at her again, thinking this time. She was his wife's best friend and by default his best friend as well.

"Izzie is baking," Cristina said, "You don't seem to want to talk right now but I told George and Izzie I'd try to talk to you."

"Dark and twisty is contagious," he said.

Cristina smirked, "I'm immune. I've been exposed to it enough and I've had all my vaccines."

"It's my fault."

"How?" she asked, not believing that for a second.

"She had a feeling. She told me she had a feeling."

"A feeling? Like the code black feeling?" Cristina asked.

Derek nodded, "But she told me she was fine and that she was just overreacting. I should have stayed."

"You didn't know," Cristina told him, "Now don't tell anyone that I'm sharing with you but I love Meredith and I love you because you're my person's person and part of my family. It's only because I love you that I'm telling you this. You are so emo it's not funny. You're like a male emo Barbie."

With that Cristina got up and headed to the door, "Call me if you want to talk anymore. And Addison is the next in line so...however you want to prepare for that..."

"Thanks," he told her as she left.

Cristina went down the stairs and into the kitchen. Addison was in there watching Izzie bake.

"Take some food when you go," She told Addison.

Addison went upstairs with a sandwich and a bottle of water. She knocked then went into the room. Derek was still in bed but sitting up.

"Hi," she put the sandwich and water on the night table, "I hear you're McEmo now…"

"Leave it to Cristina to rename me," he replied dryly.

"I'm a little torn because you're my friend but you're also being stupid," Addison told him, "But Meredith wouldn't want this for you, Derek."

He picked up the bottle of water and opened it, taking a drink.

"You've been in here for five days. I don't know dark and twisty and what that involves but Meredith would have wanted you to be happy. I know you can't be happy right now but just for a second I'm going to be Satan," she told him, "And this is the nice version of Bailey. Because she is the next step if you don't get you ass out of this room. You are not the only one who loved Meredith and you are not the only one who lost her. While you're up here hiding Izzie is baking, George is just watching TV, Cristina isn't herself – she was when she saw you but I think that's because you're the closest she has to her best friend. Alex is being nice and I don't know who to talk to at midnight anymore for boy troubles. We're all lost, Derek. We're all a family. We help each other when we're hurting. None of us are hurting as much as you are but we want to help you and we need you to help us."

"I don't know if I can, Addie," he replied, tears in his eyes, "she made me stronger and I don't know what to do without seeing her everyday, without talking to her, without the lavender.

She rubbed his arm, a few tears falling down her cheeks, "You do the best you can. It's all anyone can ask. No one is going to expect you to be ok."

"Thanks, Addie," he smiled softly, the tears escaping from his eyes as well.

"Anytime," she patted his arm and stood up, "Now sometime today come downstairs and eat some of the muffins or cookies Izzie baked. And remember, if you're not down today we will send Bailey. Now eat your sandwich," she ordered before leaving.

Derek did go down stairs and he spent sometime with George, Izzie, Addison and Cristina. They ate Izzie's baked goods, told stories, cried, laughed and helped each other. Derek went to bed after taking a shower and shaving.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The next morning he woke up to something warm next to him. He sat up, startled, waking up the someone next to him.

"Derek?" she asked, sleepily.

"Meredith?!" he asked, astonished.

"Were you expecting someone else?" she teased.

He hugged her to him, "You're alive."

"Yeah," she replied confused, "I am and I have been for a long time. What's wrong, Derek?"

He let her go but stayed close to her, "I just had a dream."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" she asked, checking the clock, "You have to be up in an hour anyway to leave for that conference."

"I'm not going to the conference," he said quickly.

"Why not?" she asked getting more confused, "Please, Derek. Just tell me what's going on."

He told her all about his dream and how real it seemed. When he was finished he was near tears again.

"Well Cristina does love you," she said trying to lighten the mood.

"Have you been feeling sick?" Derek asked.

"Yes but that doesn't mean I'm pregnant," she replied, "Does it?"

"If it does, I'd be really happy," he smiled.

Meredith smiled back and decided to act on his dream. "You're not going to the conference. We're going to call in sick today and tomorrow and we're going to stay home and no one is going to die."

And no one did die. They spent the second day of the conference in bed. Meredith called Cristina to have her pick up a pregnancy test. She came over with three and banned Derek from the bathroom as Meredith took the tests proving yet another part of Derek's dream correct.

They were gonna need to start working on that house.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Told you there would be fluff.

And if you were wondering about the Emo Barbie – please see Sara (OnTheSparrow'sWing). I would buy an Emo Barbie, would you? Sara also has details about emo in a bag.

we have nothing against emo. We love and respect people who are emo.

Read, love, review, repeat


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